At Peace

I just got some really terrible and sad news last night. The best friend of my youngest sister was found dead in a river up in Oregon. She was just 26. They’d been best friends since early elementary school and our family knew her well as she was a fixture around our house growing up. I was shocked that this wonderful, happy-go-lucky person that had everything going for her was driven to commit suicide. It shows that you just don’t always know what is going on inside a person. My heart just goes out to my sister’s friend, Carly for the pain she had that led her to that point.

As I talked and cried with my family last night, I remembered when I was in the depths of depression when I was fifteen. I just felt like I was in a dark hole where no one could pull me out and I couldn’t see anything positive beyond it. I thought about suicide a lot and even had a plan for how I would do it, where I would go so my body wouldn’t be found by anyone until it was too late. Would I have gone through with it? I don’t know, but it struck me how lucky I am to have gotten out of that place and not ever been back there. It could’ve been me in that river of depression. I don’t know how it is that I got lucky enough to pull out of it, but I am so grateful to have made it out of that hole. It makes me heartsick to know how awful Carly must have felt to feel that was the only way out.

I hope that wherever Carly is now that she is out of pain and her spirit is at peace. We miss you, Carly.