It’s hard for me to believe that it is mere days before I leave for the Wind Horse Conference, the first ever Forrest Yoga conference. I’m going to get to meet up with old friends, connect with many people who I’ve only heard of or met online, and take classes with senior teachers that I’ve always wanted to learn from. It’s amazing and I am excited.
And I’m scared.
Perhaps it would be logical that I would be scared about all the yoga that I’m going to be doing: three 2-hour workshops a day. But after completing Ana’s foundation and advanced teacher training, this amount of yoga seems like small potatoes by comparison.
No, what has me scared is being around so many people all day, all evening, and all weekend long. Which doesn’t make much sense. After all, I’m a very outgoing person. I get really energized from being around people. Plus, I was around people all day in the aforementioned intense and rigorous 24-day foundation training. But here’s the difference: at the end of each training day, I could go home and be alone if I wanted to. At Wind Horse, there’s dinner and evening ceremonies each night. Everyone stays in the lodges. That means people are around me for a long time.
Even when I’m having a great time in social situations, there’s this rising sensation in me that is wary of having it go on too long. At a certain point, part of me wants to go escape and be in a little hole all by myself. There’s my fear that if others were to be around me for too long they’d see right through to the real me. Then maybe no one would want me around. They’d be shaking their heads that they could ever have had such a false, favorable impression of me.
I realize how ridiculous a lot of this sounds as I put it in writing. Still it remains a very real fear in me. Since Forrest Yoga is all about facing up to what we fear, this conference is an opportunity to face up to what scares me.
While I was thinking about the conference, I got curious and looked into the Native American tale about the Wind Horse. It’s a beautiful story, but there was one part that struck a cord in me:
The Boy, who had no name, could not believe that this beautiful Horse would come to him as a friend. All his life he had lived alone, for with his bad leg no one wanted him. As he rode the wind on the horse, he could feel the good feeling that Wind Horse felt. It was as if he were whole and that he was with family.
It occurred to me that in spite of my fears, this beautiful Wind Horse, like the Wind Horse of legend, has come to me as a friend. I will be with family: the Forrest Yoga community. And I can feel the good feeling it is to be a part of it.